I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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