We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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