Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
