Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
