I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
