I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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