fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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