Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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