One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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