You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't deserve a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize