I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
