YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize