filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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