gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
