Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
