I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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