so explain again why im purple
no
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
