How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
