I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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