Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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