Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
