It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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