strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pants are for mortals
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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