Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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