Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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