I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
