i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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