and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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