so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
