I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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