i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
