he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
