Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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