i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
