My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
