i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
