Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
