Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
