hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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