You really coming over, don't trick.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
