Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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