I haven't been this sober since birth.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
