remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
