she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
