Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
