got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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