It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
