come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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