You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
