just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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