is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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