I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
