apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
