so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
