Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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