You just made me feel so damn special
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
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a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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