Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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