Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
